Olde English Sketch Comedy
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Report Card

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All of our sketch icons this week feature Danish physicist Niels Bohr. Niels Bohr’s model of the structure of the atom is primitive by today’s standards and has been widely discredited. Way to not invent quantum mechanics, Neils.

92 Responses to “Report Card”

  1. Plastermask Says:

    “Then where do angels live?”
    “In a fuck-stain Vegas Motel room with Santa Claus and the Easter Rabbit!”

  2. garett. Says:

    would you shut the fuck up for a second, mother raper, hana’s back cock dick’n’ ya… that mother fucker dave talks fast you taint bleeching cock penis

  3. Harvmeister Says:

    This is a great one ya’ll. It was also good to see Hana again. It was getting to be a bit of a (taint-bleaching) cock-fest up in there.

    Also, was that a Mr. Lyons/Gunn reference?

  4. garett. Says:

    cunt*

  5. Gabe Says:

    Haha… hilariously sadistic. Great to see Hana back. She adds a real dynamic to the group. You know, being a girl and all. And a mighty talented comedic actress, at that.

  6. Fonzo Says:

    ^ Agreed.

  7. sam Says:

    we love you, hana!

    that was brilliant.

    “mother raper!” made me think of “what the bitch!” =D

  8. Ritcheyz Says:

    “Surely he’s up in heaven now, sending his love down to you, in the form of a– golden eagle.”

    “Let’s go dig that f*cker up.”

    “I’ll get the shovels.”

    Awesome!

  9. Teh Dave Says:

    hahaha “cock dickin’ yeah” …at least that’s what it sounded like

  10. Rocktzar Says:

    HANA!!! WOOOOOO that was realy mean but awsome

  11. Alex Says:

    hahahahahaha, that was soooo great. I am also glad to see that Hana is back; disproving my theory that she had been sold for lunch meats.

    But seriously, funniest and most shocking skit in a long time.

    Thanks for all the great work, you guys!

  12. James Says:

    hahahahah holy shit, this is one for the ages

  13. Lou Says:

    I may have a new favourite. My mascara is running down my face now. Thanks.

  14. Megan Says:

    mmmm…. refreshingly offensive.

  15. Mo! Says:

    Just saying I love this site. Youse some funny motherrapers/

  16. stew Says:

    hana’s return was fucking glorious.

    that sketch couldn’t have been any better.

    i love you guys.

    love,
    stew

  17. John Says:

    Pure magic, these things just keep getting better. Kudos on the camera work too.

  18. Stuart James Alexander Says:

    Fantastic!

    Great to see Hana back, and boy is she back! Just as long as she never leaves us. Ever…

    Awesome sketch BTW. One of your best ever!

  19. David's Mom Says:

    Shocking, yet extremely entertaining! I don’t know how you pull it off but those lines really did work in this skit. I’m not sure why but I really did like this film. Great acting! It sure was nice to see Hannah, she is always so believable, so natural.

  20. S-man Says:

    HANAAAAAA I MISSED YOOOOUUUUOUOUOUOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Kileigh Says:

    HANA! *dies of joy*

  22. Kevin Quinn Says:

    That’s a good song at the end there, Clapton’s awesome. A C-, that Mother Fucker!

  23. Amanda Says:

    that was the most terrible thing I have ever seen in my life. I felt bad that I was laughing at someone who hates their dead son. The irony is amazing. great job.

  24. Magic Dave Says:

    it’s good to see Hannah back! plus i think i gasped more in horror than laughed at this sketch, but in comedy, i suppose the two are interchangable

  25. Mankus Says:

    I’ve been a fan FOREVER but this is the funniest sketch I’ve seen from you guys! You just keep one-uping yourself lately. I hope you don’t burn out because the visit to your website is the highlight of my day!

  26. Jae Says:

    Oh my god! It’s my parents!!!

  27. Alex Says:

    I want to know who conjured up the idea for this, and then give him or her a big hug.

  28. Suki Says:

    That was fucked up. But still really, really original and really, really funny. Reading all the comments I was almost worried that the sketch would be, how should I say, less than satisfactory? xDDD Just kidding you guys. Ily. =D

  29. hUNTER Says:

    HANA!!!

  30. Alex Says:

    I would also like to thank Olde English and this group for turning me on to Regina Spektor shortly before she gained some noteriety here in my region.

    I am now the ‘cool one who knew about her’

    Thanks Olde English!

    Alex

  31. monty Says:

    FUCKIN A.

  32. nick Says:

    “hey! Let’s go dig that fucker up!”

    AWESOME line :D

  33. Skyler Says:

    “I HOPE HE IS IN HELL GUZZLING DOWN RODNEY DANGERFEILD’S RANCID ASS JUICE.”

    I LOVE IT LIKE IT WAS MY OWN CHILD

  34. Moochie Says:

    Adam was so cute in this!
    No idea why, but seeing Hana cry is just so funny to me. Is that wrong? Actually, seeing Dave cry is almost as amusing.

  35. Phsyco*Hush Says:

    “fed, read, hes fucking dead!” lol

    u guys are the highlight of my day!

    dont ever stop!

  36. J-Man Says:

    1. I’m always in awe when I finish watching your videos. You guys are just… amazing. If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s people who waste their talent or throw it away. This is something you guys aren’t doing. You guys are using it to the best of its ability and I’ll constantly praise you for that.

    2. HANA’S COMEBACK COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE PERFECT! I had to replay a few scenes just to see the comic brilliance over and over again. When randomly started dancing while she was discussing the Navajo report thing with David… that was EXTREMELY FUNNY! Great job.

    3. David’s an amazing actor. I think that’s been established already. He never fails to make me laugh, he’s just great all the time. Especially here, “It’s a mistake. We know it’s a mistake. What’s he gonna say? ‘Hello, sorry it’s a mistake.’ We know that already, hang up the phone!” The rapid way he was saying it, the actions and everything. It was just great.

    4. Some of the most classic lines are contained in this video. You guys seriously just keep getting better and better. I cannot wait to see more!

    5. Amen.

  37. Conor Says:

    Damn that was some funny shizz

  38. Kate Monster Says:

    You need to make either a show on comedy central or a feature film. And either would be the greatest thing in the world.

    David and Hana are hilarious. I love all of you.

  39. gustav Says:

    hahaha cock penis. that was fun.

  40. nick Says:

    is this the second time adam is the child of dave and hana? they all make for a great fictional family

  41. Butler Says:

    you have spelt ‘Niels’ two different ways in the video comment -.-

  42. Mike Says:

    definately one of the better sketches. loved the comment about santa and the easter bunny

  43. cao.bria Says:

    Fucking great!

    “Lets go dig that fucker up”

  44. Brian Says:

    Fucking great!

    “Lets go dig that fucker up”

  45. Paul G Says:

    “I hate babies” lol hehehe just the way he says it

  46. Jeremy Says:

    That was probably the most tasteless thing I’ve ever seen…

    Way to go, guys! Keep up the good work!

  47. Tin Says:

    FED READ, HE’S FUCKING DEAD!

    funniest line

  48. Tim The Terrible Says:

    It\’s only funny because it\’s realistic :(

  49. Your Mom Says:

    Well, um…this one was a little too morbid, twisted, and over-the-top, even for you guys. On the plus side, its good to see Hana back again! After all, she is the hottest member of your group by a long shot. :-P

  50. Ria Says:

    Definitely was surprised to see y’all mock such a serious subject, but I guess it’s comedic in the characters’ overreactions. Sooo… good job?

    P.S. Yay Hana! Nice to see some female representation on screen.

  51. Him Says:

    I

  52. Leah Says:

    wonderful. a little too true… i could see this happening in my family…..

    love it.

    you guys never let me down.

  53. Mike-ums Says:

    best one in a long time.

  54. Eric Says:

    Would have been nice if the characters had been more “serious” in the beginning. The weeping looked fake and way over the top, weakening the impact of the transition from the grieving scene to the report card scene. It also made the first part borderline annoying. The plot and some of the dialogue is great though.

  55. Blake Says:

    One of the best! Finest work in a while.

  56. matt Says:

    that was the funniest shit i have ever seen. Cunt dick and yeah. LMFAO

  57. Midnight Says:

    Disturbingly funny!
    I too would like to know if Mr. Lyons was an intentional Gunn reference.

  58. john Says:

    Hilarious!
    a C-? That MOTHER FUCKER, i hope hes in HELL

  59. Brian Says:

    I HATE BABIES!

  60. Will Says:

    The weird locomotive “yeah” dance was hilarious.

  61. Kendall Says:

    That Rodney Dangerfield line made me happy in my pants

  62. Liz Says:

    Fed, read, he’s fucking dead!

    And

    I hate books!; I hate babies!

    Thank you for that XD

  63. Ashlee Says:

    I would find this funny, if my best friend didn’t die yesterday.

  64. Ben Says:

    Sorry to read about what you’ve been going through, Ashlee. Hope you’re all right–we’ll try to make you laugh this week.

  65. leah Says:

    lol she hella conversationally danced!!

  66. Holla Says:

    Well he was pretty busy fighting for his life

    A fight that he lost!

    LOSER!!

  67. Hana Fan Says:

    WOO! Hana’s back! YAY!

    “Cunt dickin’ yeah”

  68. Chris Says:

    This came out much better than the live version. I really liked the editing, delivery, and body language(?).

  69. Jerek Says:

    “Way to not invent quantum mechanics, Neils.”

    Now that’s funny (not saying the sketch wasn’t).

  70. Noah Says:

    Insane skit: “If there’s one thing we value in this household it’s CLASS PARTICIPATION!”

  71. sergeant nate Says:

    that kid had an excelent description of hell. Jesus I’d hate to be guzzling arse juice *pukes on keyboard*

  72. sergeant nate Says:

    rofl mother raper omg thats the first time iv heard that haha!

  73. Drew Says:

    So who is that in the beginning? I really like ambient electronic, and that sounds pretty cool.

  74. Auron Says:

    If I died, this is what my parents would do.

  75. Alex Says:

    Going back and watching this on my computer… yeah… it is definately a contender for fave vid…

  76. Jeff Says:

    Great sketch guys!!

    I”m a newbie to the Olde Englsih world and this was a great first impression.

    “Cock Dickin’ Yeah!”

  77. Jimmay Says:

    that was really funny! geniusly written! and they totally pulled off that pointless swearing.

    “LOSER!!!!!”
    LOVED IT!

  78. Comedic Acorn Says:

    this one would be my favorite still…

    new ones coming soon?

  79. Jerry Sienfeld? Says:

    Is Dave modelling his character after Jerry Sienfeld a little? It seems dead on.

  80. Soontobeonthisshow Says:

    That was so hilarious. Honestly, I was CRACKING up. When do you think there’ll be more new ones?

    Is this also on TV? Cuz I’ve only seen it online.

    BRAVO!

  81. Dashi Says:

    fucking brilliant. brilliant writing, brilliant acting, it was pretty much a 10/10

  82. thebloodyhatchet Says:

    From now on, I’m going to address everyone as “taint-bleaching cock penis.”
    To the OE crew, your site alone makes the internet worth while.

  83. Dan Bailey Says:

    that friggin made my night, thank you hahahaha

  84. Emily Says:

    “well, he did seem pretty busy fighting for his life!”

    “a fight which he LOST!”

    “LOSER!”

    hahaha classic stuff.

  85. christmas Says:

    OH my cock-dicken’ GOD that was some gosh darned good stuff. I love you guys to death.

  86. Sarah Says:

    This is seriously one of the best sketches. If not, the best one.

  87. Sabrina Says:

    I hate babies!!! Ohhh boy, this has got to be the best sketch I have watched. OE, I loove you.

  88. Chris Says:

    lol “let’s go dig that fucker up!” very funny

  89. david Says:

    i’d been away for so long… this is like a cornucopia of sketches for me… and now, dave and hana doing what has to be their finest characters? man, i’m late to work.

  90. Christmas Says:

    I am Sooooo showing that one to my parents, they do that already, and I’m not even dead…

  91. alex Says:

    hahaha “taint-bleaching , cock-penis” xDXD so funny. 10/10 fucking stars for this one!

  92. max Says:

    He knows how much we respect the Navajo!!!

    That mother fucker…

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